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Ebook Singled Out: How Singles Are Stereotyped, Stigmatized, and Ignored, and Still Live Happily Ever After, by Bella DePaulo
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"Singled Out debunks myths and stereotypes about single people and lays the groundwork for social, political, and economic change."
-- Thomas F. Coleman, Executive Director, Unmarried America
Drawing from decades of scientific research and stacks of stories from the front lines of singlehood, Bella DePaulo debunks the myths of singledom---and shows that just about everything you've heard about the benefits of getting married and the perils of staying single are grossly exaggerated or just plain wrong. Although singles are singled out for unfair treatment by the workplace, the marketplace, and the federal tax structure, they are not simply victims of this singlism--single people really are living happily ever after.
Singled Out Debunks Ten Myths of Singlehood, Including:
-Myth--The Dark Aura of Singlehood: You are miserable and lonely and your life is tragic.
-Myth--Attention, Single Women: Your work won't love you back and your eggs will dry up. Also, you don't get any and you're promiscuous.
-Myth--Attention, Single Men: You are horny, slovenly, and irresponsible, and you are the scary criminals. Or you are sexy, fastidious, frivolous, and gay.
"Elegant analysis, wonderfully detailed examples, and clear and witty prose…A must-read for all single adults, their friends and families, as well as social scientists and policy advocates."
--E. Kay Trimberger, author of The New Single Woman
"The singles movement is coming to a bookstore near you."
--Associated Press
"Fascinating . .this book could hardly have come at a better time. As much as societal adulation of the couple discriminates against single people, Singled Out suggests that it can also undermine marriage."
--The Christian Science Monitor
- Sales Rank: #368854 in Books
- Brand: Depaulo, Bella M.
- Published on: 2007-10-30
- Released on: 2007-10-30
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 8.50" h x .75" w x 5.50" l, .90 pounds
- Binding: Paperback
- 336 pages
From Publishers Weekly
DePaulo fastidiously defines the various categories of singlehood-divorced, widowed or just plain never been married-and gives their struggle a voice in this intriguing cultural study. According to DePaulo, "singlism" is the pervasive discrimination single people face in politics and everyday life, though DePaulo makes it clear he isn't equating it with racism or sexism. Rather, DePaulo uncovers society's immediate associations-conscious and otherwise-with the word "single," including the implication of loneliness, homosexuality and/or a personal defect that prevents a single person from achieving the dubiously enshrined goal of marriage. In addition, this exhaustive study reveals how marriage has come to represent the foundation of both American society and politics, and how the resulting system of discrimination pervades even in this modern age of financial freedom-including increased tax burdens, decreased social security benefits, and real-world wage disparity. In identifying the stigmas of being single and debunking myths like "marrieds know best," DePaulo has given this complicated subject the attention and respect it deserves, opening a dialogue without offering any pat solutions.
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.
Review
“Singled Out may be the single most important book you buy this year.” ―Bookworm Sez
“Gleefully debunks a number of sad-sack "facts." According to DePaulo's myth-busting research, [singles] are every bit as happy, healthy, and long-lived as couples.” ―Seattle Metropolitan
“If you're sick of your family asking, "So when are you gonna settle down?" or your boss saddling you with a fatter workload than your married coworkers, you will love Dr. Bella DePaulo's insightful, irreverent book.” ―Michelle Goodman, author of The Anti 9-to-5 Guide
“An engaging new book that brims with invigorating wit and unparalleled perspective.” ―Tucson Citizen
“Intriguing cultural study . . .DePaulo has given this complicated subject the attention and respect it deserves.” ―Publisher’s Weekly
“DePaulo dismantles [a few other] claims of the pro-marriage lobby.” ―Windy City Times
“Don't miss Bella DePaulo's Singled Out.” ―Sasha Cagen, author of QuirkyAlone
“She has a message for singles and couples alike: If you forget about your nonromantic relationships, you're missing out on a whole lot of love.” ―Santa Barbara News-Press
“An expose of the widespread cultural bias facing unmarried adults in America.” ―Harvard Magazine
“[A] terrific book” ―Amy Alkon, Syndicated Advice Columnist
“A masterpiece…filled with inspirational quotes…Every single should read this book” ―Yuspie (Young Urban Single Professionals of Indiana) Book Club
“[Shows that singles] can be as productive, charming, fun, moral, and wise as their coupled counterparts” ―Virginia Quarterly Review
“DePaulo combines her training as a social psychologist with wit and sharp analysis, bringing the entire "marriage is better" argument down like a house of cards.” ―Windy City Times
From the Inside Flap
"Singled Out debunks myths and stereotypes about single people and lays the groundwork for social, political, and economic change."
-- Thomas F. Coleman, Executive Director, Unmarried America
Drawing from decades of scientific research and stacks of stories from the front lines of singlehood, Bella DePaulo debunks the myths of singledom---and shows that just about everything you've heard about the benefits of getting married and the perils of staying single are grossly exaggerated or just plain wrong. Although singles are singled out for unfair treatment by the workplace, the marketplace, and the federal tax structure, they are not simply victims of this singlism--single people really are living happily ever after.
BELLA DEPAULO, Ph.D., is a social psychologist who did her graduate work at Harvard. She is currently a visiting professor at the University of California at Santa Barbara. DePaulo is single and living happily ever after in Summerland, California.
Visit her website at www.belladepaulo.com
Singled Out Debunks Ten Myths of Singlehood, Including:
-Myth--The Dark Aura of Singlehood: You are miserable and lonely and your life is tragic.
-Myth--Attention, Single Women: Your work won't love you back and your eggs will dry up. Also, you don't get any and you're promiscuous.
-Myth--Attention, Single Men: You are horny, slovenly, and irresponsible, and you are the scary criminals. Or you are sexy, fastidious, frivolous, and gay.
"Elegant analysis, wonderfully detailed examples, and clear and witty prose…A must-read for all single adults, their friends and families, as well as social scientists and policy advocates."
--E. Kay Trimberger, author of The New Single Woman
"The singles movement is coming to a bookstore near you."
--Associated Press
"Fascinating . .this book could hardly have come at a better time. As much as societal adulation of the couple discriminates against single people, Singled Out suggests that it can also undermine marriage."
--The Christian Science Monitor
Most helpful customer reviews
0 of 0 people found the following review helpful.
Outstanding
By Leigh Matsen
Excellent book, and very helpful to me. I really appreciate Bella 's accuracy. She did a lot of real research to get to the truth in this book. I laughed a great deal at the unbelievable ignorance with most of society. Well, I can't thank you enough for writing this. This book was healing as well as inspiring. Respectfully :)
69 of 77 people found the following review helpful.
Single this book Out for Superb Reading
By Dr. Cathy Goodwin
Almost any single person has been affected by myth and stigma. Supposedly we're misfits with empty lives, doomed to die alone, frustrated at never achieving the perfection of coupledom. Finally, someone lets the cat out of the bag. We're normal and happy.
I had heard of the author when I was an academic and even cited some of her articles in my own research. Then out of the blue, she asked permission to use a quote from me in this book. I was delighted with the request and the topic.
Having read DePaulo's academic articles, I anticipated a superb book and I was not disappointed. In fact, Singled Out vastly exceeded my expectations. I've given away 2 copies. One recipient said she bought 4 more to give away. And we don't usually buy books, let alone give them as gifts.
Unlike many popular psychology authors, DePaulo uses her research training to make significant points. The book is worth reading just to go through Chapter 2, an eye-opening look at the way research results can be distorted to meet an agenda. And any single person will laugh out loud at DePaulo's opening satire: What if we subjected married people to the indignities, frustrations and hassles that single people take for granted.
DePaulo asks, "What does research tell us about the specific benefits of paired relationships?" In fact, it's only in the last hundred years or so that the "pack of two" became privileged in our culture.
After reading Singled Out, I found myself seeing the world differently. I keep picking up hidden messages everywhere, especially movies and television. A singles column in my local paper really should be called relationship seeking. Singles groups? More of the same.
However, I do see signs of hope. For example, the Doonesbury comic strip featured a celebration of singleness. A columnist in the Chronicle of Higher Education advised a questioner to prioritize her career over her relationship: good jobs, said the columnist, can be scarcer than good mates.
And although Sex and the City did get everyone coupled up at the end, as DePaulo points out, we did get glimpses of smart, attractive women who went to movies alone. What single person can forget the scene where Miranda's law firm colleagues assume "single" is code for "lesbian?"
But we've got a long, long way to go. As DePaulo points out, everything from tax codes to medical services to vacation packages favors couples. Doctors frequently assume our symptoms have neurotic origins; "just get married and your symptoms will go away" or, "You're alone so you have time to make up symptoms." Famous singles get asked about their dating life (do we really care if Condoleeza Rice has a boyfriend?) and single politicians lack credibility. The consequences for singles and for society are huge.
On a lighter note, this book solves the problem of what married couples can give their single friends. Give them this book and buy an extra copy for yourself. You'll all change for the better.
9 of 10 people found the following review helpful.
A great consciousness-raiser
By Editing_Gal
I just finished this book (which I had checked out from the library) and plan to purchase a copy for re-reading. Recently and very unexpectedly divorced after nearly 30 years of marriage, this book came into my life at the perfect time. I (embarrassingly) recognized myself within the pages as one of those who had unknowingly had the cultural advantages and self-satisfied attitudes of couplehood/marriage.
This book has taken me to a new level of awareness and understanding of society's subtle (and not so subtle) messages about people who are single by choice or by circumstance. Ms. DePaulo's writing is clear, insightful, and humorous. (I found her humor in turns wry, sly, and playful, not at all sarcastic or bitter.) She is right-on in her analysis of cultural views of both singlehood and coupledom.
Aided by the perspective of this book, I am no longer simply accepting life as a single, but looking forward to creating a future as rich, fulfilling, and compassionate as possible. I now view my unexpected singlehood as a blessing that allows me to direct my love and energies into new avenues, including deepening my friendships and providing community service. This book has dramatically redirected my outlook.
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